Tonight is the first night of winter vacation and I find myself sitting at home, alone. I'm not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand, it seems like I should feel depressed. On the other hand, I don't feel depressed so maybe I shouldn't dwell on it.
I've spent the last several weeks engulfed in apathy and dripping with frustration. I'm reasonably sure that it's a direct result of one of the lower elbows of the culture shock 'W' I was told about, but I can't be sure. I'm made to believe that I am going to make a lot of friends, but things don't seem to be heading that way with anyone. I can't get Japanese people to talk to me and the other exchange students like me sometimes, but then don't like me other times. I'm reasonably sure that we're all riding the same ride and when we are dipping into the bottom of our respective 'W's, it's hard to want to talk to the new people. Sometimes you see the new people as your only lifeline and sometimes they are part of everything that is frustrating you.
I genuinely feel bad for not writing in this thing as much as I was, but as you can probably tell, I just haven't had as many life changing experiences. My time has been spent avoiding schoolwork and trying to cling to what little Japanese I can as we rush through chapter after chapter. It's definitely not a bad experience, but things are just so busy and exhausting that it's hard to want to keep going. I'm really glad that we have the next two weeks off so I can maybe spin down my engine a bit and try to get excited about Japanese again.
I hope that I have more awesome things to write about next time.
Soon enough your time there will be over and you will be back here wishing you'd spent your time there better, right? And friendship is a lot to ask for and may be made more difficult due to the knowledge you will be thousands of miles away in a few weeks. Perhaps settling by trying to make many acquaintances there, which could lead to greater relationships down the road, would be more productive and less frustrating? Anyway, it will be over soon so try to spend your time in positive, fruitful ways. -D
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear you haven't made many human connections, but that's ok. You won't have to leave any friends when you come back to the US. If you are feeling jaded about Japanese you should try and remember what intrigued you about it in the first place and rediscover it. I remember you liked the history and philosophy, have you visited any shrines or museums? Remember, this is your adventure so force yourself to do some fun things. By the way, how was xmas? Did you eat KFC?
ReplyDeleteI've went to the shrines around Sendagi, but I haven't went to any of the big ones. I think there are some more big festivals before I leave and I'm sure I'll end up seeing them then. Also, ohanami is soon and that will likely give me plenty to do.
ReplyDeleteI didn't end up doing anything for Christmas. During the break, I went to McDonalds with some people, but I couldn't get anyone to be interested in KFC. I mean, it's hard to be interested in a KFC that doesn't have mashed potatoes. Seriously. No mashed potatoes. Why bother?