I have spent the better part of the day with my angry face on. I am fairly certain that I am in no way home sick, as of yet and while it can be a little bit frustrating repeating the same phrase in Japanese 3-4 times every time I talk to anyone, I am happy to be learning Japanese and I welcome the challenge presented to me. As near as I can tell, I am just becoming frustrated with all of the people I spend my days with. I think I need classes to start because I need something to occupy my mind. I'm reasonably sure that my dissatisfaction with my current company is completely and 100% my own fault. I have nothing to do or think about aside from whatever situation is of immediate concern, so I unconsciously nitpick everything. So far, I'm pretty sure I haven't done any irreparable harm to these still seedling relationships and I'm hoping that the realization that my frustrations are mostly internal will contain my ire.
I have run into a bit of a problem with my schoolmates, besides my petty irritations and, once again, I am sure this is of my own doing: I do not belong to any clique. It's a problem that's plagued me since I was old enough to lift a rattle. I used to think it was my sense of humor or personality that took getting used to, but I'm pretty sure that everything about me is an acquired taste. I'm not sure that anyone has ever liked me when they first met me. That's why I do better socially when I'm introduced or someone is introduced to me. That way someone can vouch for me and the first taste isn't quite so bitter. Our sour. Or whatever. Maybe spicy? I'm just saying, if you introduce me into a large group of people who have no prior kinship with me, I am almost always Rudolph. The problem with this situation is that I am pretty sure that the winters are mild here, so I don't see how I will get to guide a sleigh and become part of the other reindeer's games. Part of me thinks I should just sit this one out and not become the center of attention, but an even larger part of me knows that the smaller part of me needs to man up and just talk to people and make them like me.
The next couple of days are filled with meetings and orientations and tours and junk. I'm really excited, but I'm a tiny bit afraid that my language partner will hate me. I don't know why they would. I have just noticed from talking to other Japanese people, that it's hard for me to acknowledge the language barrier, so I talk like I normally do and they look at me like an idiot. I don't mean to say silly things, but it's how I react to stress. I will make a concerted effort to not look stupid in front of my partner when I meet them so as to stave off any hating.